In the mood I’m in, I’ll feel better if I beat a nigga with a spoon.
Sorry y’all, that was an aggressive way to start this post, but I am feeling aggressive right now.
Why?
Probably because of Ice Spice. *Trap Celeb voice* I blame Ice Spice. The next one I would blame is JLo. You might be asking “wtf did JLo do?”
What didn’t she do Is the real question. Shout out to Daijne Jones on TikTok. I’ve incorporated JLo strays into my everyday life and my mental has improved.
That’s somewhat of a lie. I still want to unbirth myself, but they do somewhat keep me alive🙂↕️
I think it’s kinda obvious at this point that I kinda treat this blog like a journal. Why don’t I write in a-
Why did it take me this long to realize you didn’t take off your shoes? So we didn’t learn from last time, huh?
😐Come here I won't hit you
≤))✓🩴
_| \_
COME HERE! NEOWWWW
Ok now that that is dealt with, I can- don’t look at me like that. I want you to know that hurt me more than hurt you.
Anyway, keeping a written journal makes my hand hurt. That’s it. That’s the only reason why. You write for 20 minutes and see how that goes. I bet you that your hand is fucking sizzling.
Also, if I had a journal, it would take FOREVER for them to find my manifesto. So I’ll make it easy and have it on the internet 😌
I have my therapy session in 8 minutes as I’m typing. Imma give y’all a little piece of what I plan on discussing with her.
Love.
Cliché, I know, but tbh I feel like I am broken. Broken beyond repair. I can’t see why people will love me. When they do, I don’t believe it. When they stop, I’m like “Yep there it is. I’m very unlovable.”
I feel like I’m hard to love, but easy to unlove. Any conflict or sign of trouble, deep in my heart, no homo, I am pretty convinced it’s the end. I’m pretty convinced whoever got to the point where they don’t love me anymore. I should’ve known that would happen, but I’m over here stupid crying like Yvette.
Aight lemme go and join my session and I’ll maybe tell y’all how it went.
Aight, I’m back. I feel a little bit better. Might step in front of a train, idk 🥰 I’m in a silly, goofy mood.
One thing my therapist said is that I need to work on self-reassurance. Basically, I shouldn’t need anyone to tell me I’m the shit. I should know it. I should know people love me and want to be around me without needing reassurance from them.
….wtf does she even know? She’s just certified. That ain't nun too crazy.
So I am currently working on self-assurance bullshit and whatnot. Got a damn working coloring book and shit. The last time I had a coloring book, I ripped that up because I was so angry. Shit, I’m still angry….😏 I'm putting that emoji because that last line is giving foreshadowing for the next post.
On a more serious note, I am actively working on battling my negative thoughts because y’all. My brain is mean as fuck. I'm getting better at battling these thoughts, but they still creep up like a thief in the night. One method I have been trying is deep breathes and responding with positive, more plausible thoughts. It’s dead-ass a battle, guys. Anxiety is no joke.
Fun fact: I got diagnosed with that shit by a psychiatrist 🥰 and I know at this point, y’all are probably wondering, “damn what doesn't this bitch have???”
Serotonin, obviously.
But yeah, lately, that is just a FRACTION of what I've been dealing with these past weeks. That's why it’s a serious joke whenever I say I will unpublish myself. Like I'm serious, but I'm joking. It’s pretty simple.
Aight that’s all I wanted to say because I got about 15 minutes left of this lunch break and I plan on using the rest for ✨escapism✨
I was gonna say have a good day, but there’s a chance there’s terrible people reading this, especially, the ones actively praying on my downfall.
Well, I’m still alive, hoe! Stop bothering God and Come take me out yourself, pussy!
God, I very much apologize for putting your name in that. You know my heart, Lord. Don’t smite me please.
On that note, to the good people, thank you for reading and have a great day! 😊
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